Reflective Rant
25 May 2012 Leave a Comment
How do you tell someone they’re standing on their last leg, because they have worked your last nerve, and you are ready to cancel them out of your life for good, one final time? Even more challenging, how do you get this message across without directly telling them this?
I guess some folks write a blog post and secretly hope that said subject picks up the hint.
But what if they don’t? And then you do what you have to do? And instead of viewing it as it is, which is you standing by your ideals and what you find to be important, the opposing party has turned you into a cold, calculating b!tch who is unreasonable.
I guess this would all be so much easier if everyone sat down to talk about things but I don’t like always having to talk things out. I don’t like having to confront stuff. I’d rather just throw up a dismissive hand, turn my back and walk away. Life is short. Do I really have the time to hold your hand, and guide you through what is obvious, common sense to me? If I’ve gotta do that, we’re not on the same length anyways…I’d prefer to surround myself around, if not like-minded, at least similarly-minded, individuals.
But knowing stubborn me, I won’t be sitting down to hash things out. I’ll remember this, harbor a grudge, and lock it away. No more see-you-later.
And no, I can’t imagine that I’d want to talk about this post at a later date either.
Goodbye friend.
So Easy Even a Caveman Could Do It
25 May 2012 Leave a Comment
It’s quite rare in life that the things we actually like, enjoy and take pleasure in are quite beneficial for us and serve us well. This fact is why I hold smoothies in such high esteem! I love how good they taste while knowing they’re also good for me! But as with all good things in life, it does have its drawbacks…cost. It costs you a pretty dollar when you buy one from specialty shops, bodegas, etc. For this reason they’ve unfortunately become a guilty pleasure for me.
Until now.
Today I woke up and decided that I needed to have a smoothie. The only drawback is I wasn’t trying to spend five dollars to get one from Dunkin’ Donuts, the only place near my apartment selling them. I wasn’t going to dare attempt to buy one in the city…I’d then be spending even more money and it would probably make me late to work. I realized I had two options…go without or make one myself.
I made one myself.
I’ve never made a smoothie before. It’s always seemed a bit complicated, semi-expensive and above all, messy. Complicated because you have to get the right combination of fruits to make it taste like something…and even then, you have to make sure the fruits are ready to be eaten-if they’re not ripe enough (or too ripe) your smoothie’s going to be garbage. Expensive because you have to have a nice assortment of fruit to not wind up with a basic-tasting fruit slushy. Messy because fruit is juicy, mushy and doesn’t always hold it’s shape well…I’d have to cut, dice, measure, etc.
But alas, I found myself in a grocery store trying to figure out how I was going to get this done. I skipped fresh produce all together and headed straight for frozen foods and picked up a bag of frozen assorted berries. Next I headed to the dairy section and found a quart of probiotic vanilla yogurt on sale 2/$4. With a price like that I picked up another quart of banana yogurt and went back to grab a bag of frozen assorted strawberries.
Ignore the logo on the glass please lol
Once home I decided I’d attempt a basic berry smoothie. I threw a dollop of vanilla yogurt in the blender with roughly one cup of the frozen berries and turned that sucker on.
Success!
As far as complication, there was none. I went with the flow, added what seemed like even proportions to get the consistency I wanted and it turned out well. Regarding cost, I spent less than $10 on the supplies to make myself at least 6+ smoothies (assuming each bag of frozen fruit will yield at least 3). Mess? There was none. As soon as I poured my smoothie into my glass, I added hot, soapy water into the blender, turned it back on, then rinsed. Clean-up took roughly 30 seconds.
Now I feel incredibly wack for waiting until the eve of my 26th birthday before I attempted my first smoothie ever. Has it really always been this easy?
Contrary To Popular (Male) Belief, Sharing IS Caring!
24 May 2012 Leave a Comment
Recently I found myself in the middle of an intense social media conflict that was all centered around the fact that too often, women confiscate tshirts and basketball shorts from men without returning them. The men argued that the shorts can be expensive and oftentimes hold sentimental value. From there they brought up other things that women may take of theirs including, but not limited to, juice that may be found in their refrigerators.
What?
This man had graphic tees and basic community service tees…on this particular day I took one of each *shrug*
If a man has tons of t-shirts at his disposal (nearing the hundreds), what difference does it make for the woman in his life to take several? While I understand that men pay good money for their graphic tees that I find so attractive, many are old tshirts from community service and organizations he may have been involved in years ago. Why act so stingy?
Regarding basketball shorts, I understand they’re not always cheap. If he’s a man of particular taste, he probably purchases Jordan shorts. For that reason, I wouldn’t dare take more than 1 or 2. I appreciate the value of a hard-earned dollar and I imagine those type of premium shorts are the summation of several of those dollars…several more than I’m trying to pay anyways.
However, just because I am a woman who has taken a pair of shorts or a tshirt or two does not make me a ruthless, cutthroat chick who’s out here taking whatever she can get. I don’t have piles of shorts and t-shirts stockpiled in my room somewhere, ready to hand out to all my girlfriends who are sleeping over for the night. Quite the contrary I’m actually sentimental , someone who appreciates the little things. Because I’m not married (meaning I’m not living with the object of my affection and sleeping in the same bed with him every night), having an oversized t-shirt to throw on before bedtime is a small gesture that makes me feel that much closer to the original owner of said t-shirt. The same goes for the shorts-if I happen to be cleaning or lounging around the house for a few hours, nothing is more comfortable than a pair of basketball shorts to toss on.
When men start seeing these small articles of clothing disappear on occasion, frustration and annoyance should be the very last emotions to rise to the surface. As a man if you are crying that much over the cost of some basic, petty basketball shorts and t-shirts, there are bigger issues at hand that we should be discussing….such as you possibly needing a second job so you no longer feel pressed for basketball shorts and t-shirt money? Understand that the taking of your shorts and t-shirts are acts of endearment, of sensibility, of ultimate comfort on behalf of your lady.
Regarding the juice that was mentioned earlier…I’m not even going to acknowledge that. I simply haven’t got the time.
The Biggest Thing On My Wishlist
23 May 2012 Leave a Comment
A bright, bold, fly yellow bag would absolutely rock my world right about now but alas, I have none!
Nine West, $49
Coach, $298
Steve Madden, $98
Lauren by Ralph Lauren, $198
Dooney & Bourke, $378
Forever 21, $28 (Not quite yellow, but close enough)
Marshalls, price not listed
Everything’s Bigger In Texas
23 May 2012 Leave a Comment
I’m incredibly late, but I came across this video of a father who shot his teenage daughter’s laptop with his .45 caliber handgun earlier this year. Why? Because she posted a disrespectful status about him on Facebook! The dad shoots the laptop…on camera…then tells his daughter she owes him the money for the bullets. You seriously watch him shoot it. CrAzY!!!
This video brings back memories of life with my own father. We definitely used to go back and forth about our varying perspectives on life and he had his own unique ways of discipline, just as this father does. While my dad never shot anything in my presence, I used to come across the biggest bullets EVER mixed in with the change in his coin container (Dad spent several years as a Dayton cop and later, detective). Ty, my younger brother, and I used to sit around and brainstorm what Dad’s guns must look like and if he’d ever used them. All we knew is that we never wanted to find out. Thank God we never did lol!
The Worst Case Scenario
22 May 2012 1 Comment
My own paranoia about the crazy world we live in has led me down a dark path of constantly planning my escape routes if I happen to get caught up in those dark places most of us see only in our nightmares. I ponder the worst case scenario in nearly everything of my daily life. It’s become an obsession of sorts that I’ve learned not to share with most other people…until now.
It transcends everything, from the most miniscule, to the nearly impossible. What would I do if I were held up at gunpoint? House fire? Attacked at the club? Pushed onto the train tracks when a train is coming? Being followed by a stranger?
Is this normal? I’m starting to think it’s not.
I first noticed my obsession several months ago when talking to Shelby. She was questioning me about where I was then-living and if I was safe. Fortunately I had already thought this all the way through.
“The way I see it cous, my apartment is located on a busy intersection near downtown Brooklyn. Because I use well-lit, very busy streets to walk home from the train late at night if someone was following me it would be easy to get attention,” I matter-of-factly explained. “Worst case scenario, if they decided to kill me there would be witnesses. They’re not going to get away with it.”
She just stared at me dumbfounded. “So that makes you feel safe?”
“Absolutely! Imagine if it was dark. They could carry me off somewhere and no one would be around to hear my screams. I don’t know if it gets much safer than this cous.”
Several years ago I made sure all of my emergency contacts in my phone were saved as “ICE, [insert name here].” ICE is an abbreviation for “in case of emergency.” I want to make it as easy as possible to alert my parents, Aunt Lynne and Grandma that something has happened to me when my phone is found if I ever turn up missing.
In the aftermath of Trayvon Martin’s murder, much credibility has been placed on his phone records, namely his contact with his girlfriend, to map out the order of events. Since then, now when I am commuting after dark on the trains I maintain full text conversations with my love-if he’s expecting a confirmation in 20 minutes that I’ve arrived safely and never receives it, he knows what’s up and is able to contact the authorities.
I find myself taking mental notes of EVERYTHING nowadays it seems. If someone stares at me a second too long during my commute, I refuse to let them out of my sight. When I’m standing on the platform, waiting for a train to come I try to stand outside of arms reach of anyone nearby-I don’t want to risk them pushing me down, into an oncoming train. If a stranger does something TOO nice for me I question their intent and don’t have peace about it.
Honestly, all of this second guessing, untrustworthiness and “planning” for an unsightly end that will probably never come has been driving me bananas! Why can’t I just “let go and let God” like everyone else seems to effortlessly be doing?! Of course I pray for my safety and understand that Jesus has my back, but that is meager consolation when I consider the fact that Christians are victims of violent crimes every day. I’m sure they prayed (and had others praying for them) and trusted Him to protect them. And then we saw their body on the 5 o’clock news or read about their demise on MSN’s homepage.
Smh, I just don’t know what to do. But in the meantime, while I’m attempting to figure this one out, let me go ahead and double check to make sure all my doors and windows are locked…
iLove Orange
17 May 2012 Leave a Comment
I’ve had a love affair with orange for quite some time and it is now that I admit it is no longer a phase rather, a way of life! As the strand of pearls have been my go to fashion accessory for several years now, the color orange is now being adopted into all other facets of my life, including (but not limited to) makeup, hair and clothing…
I’ve been wearing this blush every day for nearly a year
This has been my favorite shade of lipstick for nearly a year
Essie’s “It’s Obvious” is slowly working it’s way into my weekly polish rotation
My hair has taken on an orange hue that I am absolutely in love with! (Congrats to my SPECial Terri on graduating! Woot woot!)
I’ve started buying orange clothes, such as this romper lol smh
I’ve got it bad…for orange!
Booter, the Most Well-Read 14-Year Old I Know
15 May 2012 Leave a Comment
Every time I’m home the baby of the family Jordan (a.k.a. Booter) has piles of books lying around her room. Within the last year or so, she’s taken an interest in more mature content, as Judy Blume and Charlotte Bronte aren’t getting the job done for her anymore. As a result, my mother and I have started paying closer attention to the novels she gets her hands on-we’ve been confiscating books left and right (The Kite Runner has been the most recent casualty). She always manages to ask, innocently enough, “But why? Why am I not allowed to read it?” After explaining to her what makes the novel inappropriate (graphic sex scenes for an 8th grader, exceessive violence, deep-rooted family drama, etc.), this latest time I asked her, “How do you find these books? What makes you pick them up, out of the thousands of books in the library?” Her response surprised me.
“I don’t always have a lot of time so if the cover is interesting I open it up to a random page and read a sentence or two. If I like it, then I check out the book.”
Hmm…
She may be on to something because the most recent novel I confiscated, Perfect Peace by Daniel Black, has been one of my favorite books I’ve read as of late (and it features a very pretty Black girl on the cover as Jordan was careful to point out). The review I have posted below that was found on Amazon outlines my reaction after reading it perfectly!
I am absolutely amazed right now. So much took place in the book. Emma Jean’s bout of desperation, Perfect/Paul’s struggle for freedom, Mister’s secret love affair, Henrietta’s revenge, Authorly’s misguided notions of manhood, Woody’s understanding of God, Blind Bartimaeus’ intuitive sight, King Solomon’s diligence in education, Gus and the Jordan, and last but not least, Sugar Baby, the seemingly drunken fool who knew everything from the beginning to the end. Daniel Black has somehow written about four or five novels and weaved them all together to give the World “Perfect Peace”. Every character has a story, and every story lends itself to next. I laughed, I cried, and I had to walk away from the book a few times because of it’s poignant intensity. I am officially a fan, and I cannot wait to read his pervious works, and hopefully many more to come. -Reginald D. Bailey Jr.
What Mother’s Day 2012 Taught Me
15 May 2012 Leave a Comment
Adulthood has introduced me to the friend that I have found in my mother and most recently, within the last year since my move to NYC, our conversations have reached an entirely new depth that we’re both completely unfamiliar with but have excitedly pushed towards. When I dialed home a few days ago to pay my respects to all of the mothers in my family, I could’ve never anticipated the conversation going where it did with her.
We discussed the divorce that occurred 19 years ago…err, rather WHY the divorce occurred.
My parent’s divorce is one that has been blocked from my memory for the most part. While I know that it occurred, my memory is limited in the fact that I remember none of the emotions I felt with the dissolution of the marriage. I know it was intense enough for my father to seek a child psychologist though-apparently I was unable to cope (depression is an illness that has plagued my mother’s side of the family for many generations). My paternal grandmother describes that period of my life as a “smile-less child.” She says she didn’t see me smile or laugh for months and that it broke her heart.
In the years since, everyone has been extremely hush-hush about it…the “why” has never been fully addressed. Aunt Lynne (Dad’s sister) will occasionally remark on how she lost one of her closest friends. Auntie (Mom’s sister) will tell me how much of a riot my dad was. Uncle Todd (Dad’s brother) talks about how “awesome” my mother was. Grandma (Dad’s mom) doesn’t say much of anything at all. Recently, since college, Dad has opened up a bit about some issues he had (because as I have with my mother, my father and I have enjoyed our newfound adult friendship as well). And then finally on Sunday, Mom opened up and exposed her heart. Mom finally told me why.
I can’t say that she told me anything I hadn’t already suspected before. Maturity has opened my eyes to trends that I previously turned a blind, naïve eye towards before. Mom’s perspective, along with my father’s subtle, random remarks throughout the years and my family’s tidbits and actions all came together and I finally understood.
The biggest thing Mom’s explanation gave me was closure, closure I wasn’t aware that I needed. I thought I had moved on from that situation, since it is one that I only occasionally think about and one I even more rarely speak on. In reality I’ve lived my life jumping to all kinds of conclusions in majority of my personal relationships. For years I’ve adopted the practice of having all kinds of rules and regulations for potential love interests to adhere to, all in my quest to identify (and rectify) any prominent negative behavior that could possibly destroy me in the event of our impending breakup because surely, if my parents didn’t make it, how would I? If things don’t go my way, on my time, I exit immediately and never look back. I’ve been pretty cutthroat, black and white, and uncompromising. That conversation with my mother opened my eyes to my own self-sabotage all in an effort to avoid my parent’s relationship’s demise. I have walked away with a refreshed perspective. As my mother was deliberate in pointing out, “People don’t change overnight-I’ve realized that you have to work through things with people. In marriage, you can’t just ‘quit’ as soon as there’s a major issue.” I also have an even greater appreciation for the work that each of them have put into the past several years to form the semblance of friendship that they possess today.
Red Eye
02 May 2012 Leave a Comment
A friend of mine sent a text message recently that read, “YouTube. Big krit-red eye.” I was so confused. “What’s that?” He aptly responded, “It’s a song fool.” Point taken. I headed to YouTube and hit play.
“…I understand that you’re busy, you’re on the road, you have to do what you have to do for your career but I feel like if you really want this relationship you’ll do what you have to do for us also. Like, I’m always, ALWAYS, the one doing EVERYTHING and I’m just tired.”
BAM!!!
She sounded exactly like me. Dare I say verbatim?
As I listened to someone else’s voicemail, flashbacks of my own life came rushing to the forefront. Not long ago, I was that woman on the phone, imploring her man to make her a priority…to please be present today because she can’t promise she’s going to see tomorrow through.
I continued with my frenzied trek down memory lane…
“…I’m doing the norm and not what it takes, I’ll keep folding my cards and you’ll keep raising the stakes, ‘Til we forget about us and what we have is too late…”
Because he wasn’t doing enough, the norm and not what it took, I checked out of the relationship. My hurt evolved to anger which ultimately rested on hatred. While yes, his intentions were never ill, they had never yielded the fulfilling, secure relationship I was expecting and deserved. I hated the man for not fulfilling everything he had promised to me. I. Hated. Him.
Time and more of life’s experiences eventually erroded my hatred and weakened his pride.
“But if you willing to try then I’m willing to leap, Out of the window of pain and fall in love at your feet; I ain’t the man you want me to be, I guess that’s what’s been bothering me.”
And there it was…some semblance of closure I guess.
All of this to say, those flashbacks have me over here SO appreciative of the fact that I have upgraded to a more fulfilling relationship. It’s got me thanking God that I am no longer held hostage by those intense emotions, experiences and heartaches of yesterday.
