We Can’t Be Friends

        Who really comes up with the nonsense that guys and girls can be friends?  It’s not possible and never has been.  Men and women are not constructed to form friendships with each other-our proper chemical makeup makes this impossible.  Humanity was created with specific gender roles that keeps us separate unless it is for mating purposes-that is for a reason.  Simply put, men are attracted to women, and women are attracted to men.  Any alteration of this dynamic is seen as atypical and faces severe scrutiny, i.e. homosexuality. 

          Anyone that says they have a 100% platonic friend is a liar.  We’ve seen all the different types of friends: the brother/sister, the bff’s, the kindergarten sandbox type and lastly, the exes.  All of those fake descriptors are not much more than ridiculous cover-ups as an attempt to cloud underlying sexual tension that exists somewhere within the relationship.  Whenever we attempt to challenge this system and “hang out” we will eventually land flat on our faces and will always be proven wrong.  Period.

          We all know the couple that swears up and down that they are “just friends” and view each other as family, hence

Just friends, huh? *side-eye*

the “he’s my brother” or “she’s my sister” lingo.  The two are close because one party has characteristics that the other party has deemed likeable.  In addition to this, the two must share common and similar interests that act as the fuel to propel the friendship.  Because the two are of the opposite sex and have been programmed by human nature to be sexually attracted to each other a 100% platonic friendship is impossible. At least one of the parties involved is attracted to the other in some capacity and for whatever reason is not acknowledging this fact.  Don’t believe me?  If one of the party’s were to show up late, drunk and unannounced naked, ready to make relations, would the other person say no?  Highly doubt it.

          The bff “friendship” is the real insult to our intelligence.  It can never be taken too seriously because almost always, it is a cover-up for an ongoing romantic relationship.  The bff’s began as a brother/sister “friendship” before evolving to the romantic one they’re at now.  For whatever reason, they’ve chosen to hide it from the world and are not open to admitting it.  This type of “friendship” is especially unfortunate when the “friends” are in actual committed relationships with others.  In a case like the bff friends, I don’t believe using the “showing up naked at the door” test is even necessary since we know what the answer to that question would be.

          The kindergarten sandbox type is one of the saddest “friendships” that exists because it is usually comprised of one party who is genuinely interested in a friendship while you have the other who is head over heels, in like/love with the other.  The individual who is genuinely interested in only a friendship would be able to maintain their integrity because they wouldn’t be physically attracted to the other party.  These type of friendships are one-sided so they’re 50% platonic.  When applying the “showing up naked at the door” test, the other person would obviously deny the friend, hence the authentic 50% platonic friendship.

         The exes that have now agreed they work better as friends is the fakest “friendship” of all.  Obviously they have already proven my theory correct because they’ve already taken their friendship to the relationship level.  They’ve found themselves at one point in their lives to be compatible enough to be in a romantic relationship and if they’ve done it once, they can do it again.  For those that say they’ve learned their lesson and realize it could never work romantically, I’d counter, “Why even consider being friends then?” since friendships are grounded on the fact that you share several common interests and similarities with each other.  Attempting to apply the “showing up naked at the door” test is faulty because 9 times out of 10, these two have already done that.

          Obviously a “friendship” is the gateway to a romantic relationship in all cases of the male/female dynamic.  The ONLY exception to any of this is a homosexual man or woman who is attracted to their own gender.  If a man is truly gay, it doesn’t matter how many similarities he has with certain women, a romantic relationship with them is impossible.  The same goes for a truly straight man-it doesn’t matter how many similarities he has with his boys, a romantic relationship would be impossible. 

          I’ve seen men with tons of female friends and women with male friends who say that it all means nothing.  If beau’s are in the picture, these individuals assure their beau’s that the extra “friendships” won’t/can’t threaten the established relationship.  This is impossible because in due time, one of the above friendship profiles will take shape and form.  It would be impossible for it NOT to.  Like I’ve said multiple times already, we simply aren’t constructed to behave any differently -this fact is innate and ingrained within us.

          With all this being said, I am not opposed to guys and girls being associates.  It can be great to hang out and bounce different ideas off of each other and overall, enjoy that spirit of community those interactions can bring.  This will ALWAYS become detrimental however when those lines become blurred and you begin looking to the opposite sex to hold down those intimate, personal roles that should only be reserved for friendships with the same sex.

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12 thoughts on “We Can’t Be Friends

  1. I agree and disagree. I use to think that I could be friends wit chicks till my girl showed me how they started likin me. But now I got a group of friends who are male n female and we all kick it together n it works. I believe in a group of friends it a work but if its u and yo bff it won’t.

  2. In a group of friends there are secret attractions there…at one point in those relationships he liked her or she, him. If it hasn’t already occured in the past, it will in the future. Whether or not those individuals chose to share those sentiments is another story, but there is NO denying the feelings were/are/will be there.

    This is why these “friendships” can NOT exist for married couples. The stakes are simply too high and too much has been sacrificed. So you may claim these people are friends now Hank but trust, when you and Sahara decide to tie that knot, you’ll have to put some distance in those friendships. Association is cool, it still allows you to share personal info and gain feedback etc-you and I are a perfect example of this.

  3. This is interesting because I think that the men who respond to this will mostly disagree. However, in my experience, male “friends” have all attempted to get at the female at one time or the other and the woman wasnt feeling it for whatever reason and they became friends by default.
    So what happens to the attraction?

  4. Hey Angie 🙂 And regarding your question, the above scenario turns into that kindergarten sandbox thing (if the girl is straight up turned off by the man physically) or it’s a brother/sister thing (where the girl may indulge in light flirting, but at the end of the day she knows she’s not doing anything).

    With the exception of two, ALL of the males in my life are associates. Each of my random two friends fall into the kindergarten sandbox and the brother/sister. Now that I think about it, the brother/sister one has fallen off tremendously. For the past 1 1/2 yrs we’ve really disconnected. I doubt I’ll ever pick it back up again because that season has passed.

  5. I agree with just about everything. In response to Angela, actually most guys feel the same way. They won’t admit it because they want to maintain their pole (pun intended) position. The only time this friend scenario works is in the sandbox scenario where one person clearly isnt attracted or interested. I repeat the ONLY time. Any other answer is complete and utter BS.

    Think about it from a guy’s perspective. This might sound harsh, but there is no benefit to genuine female friendship. We maintain a relationship with women because we have romantic/sexual/long term interests. With that relationship comes woman “stuff”, i.e., emotions, illogical conclusions, etc. No man would willing put up with the “stuff” without the potential or actual realization of benefits, i.e., relationship/sex/companionship etc.

    We have boys to talk to about sports, politics, entertainment, etc. This is not to say that women’s opinions aren’t valid on the aforementioned topics, but the inevitable emotional baggage can and will rear its head, if it is a genuine friendship. As far as associates, certainly men will entertain female interaction. Why? Because the potential for the emotion/non-logical discussion is minimal. More importantly, if we aren’t attracted we will probably exit stage left at the first sign of “emotional/illogical friend.”

    Most women counter with the whole need for “female perspective” argument. My rebuttal? That’s why I have a mother, sister, and/or girlfriend/potential girlfriend/wife. That is all the female perspective I need. Fortunately, my sister has no problem telling me that I’m an ass, so I’m good.

  6. I don’t know Miss Fancy. I agree, but I disagree as well. I have a best friend. Been friends since we were kids… I am not attracted to her, she’s not attracted to me. We’ve never even thought about having sex with eachother… I seriously view her as a sister. But, just like hank said, we are in a group of three. Two boys, one girl. Now, however, I do have another friends. We’ve been “best friends” since kids, but their is sexual tension that goes on when we are around eachother. So you may have a point, but I don’t think it’s 100% impossible. LOL!

  7. Regarding you and this friend from waaay back when. If you know for a fact you don’t have feelings, then she does and she just hasn’t told you. Period. At some point in time, feelings will be there…they’ve already been there, they are there, or they will be there in the future.

  8. Bravo! Love the post and the comments! Mike, my husband, cannot have close female friends. I mean unless they are family or my friends -no phone conversations, no meeting up “just them,” no secret conversations. NO WAY!!!

  9. I guess I’m on the fence with this issue because I have had “frienships” with guys where lines became blurred, but I also have male friends whom I’ve known my whole life and we’ve never had any sexual feelings towards one another. Its also possible that my friends haven’t tried to move passed friendship. I guess you can’t truly know someone elses intentions within a friendship.

  10. You really can’t know Vanessa and it sucks…but trust and believe with a man, he doesn’t need females for friendship unless he’s gay, period. Anything a woman can offer a man in terms of friendship, another man can top effortlessly. As a result, the ONLY benefit a man has to having a female friend is the sexual component. This is why I say it’s ok to be associates with one another, but to take it beyond that means somebody no longer has platonic feelings.

  11. And I feel you Shelby! No female friends for Mike NO WAY! And you already know any man I’m dealing with can’t have female friends-heck, I still haven’t found a way to effectvely deal with my disdain for flirty females! Forget a friendship! Lol

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