“I don’t know why she’s trippin man. I told her what it was gonna be awhile back. It’s not my fault.” Excuse me sir, but yes it is your fault! And for the playgirl’s out there, it’s your fault too!
Too often when debating with my peers, I keep hearing their excuses as to why it’s permissible to lead potential dating partners on. Their rationales range from “I kept it real with her,” to “Who catches feelings off the first date?” These leader-on’s believe that by admitting up front their intentions of rejecting a serious relationship, it excuses them from having any obligation to emotions or feelings the other party may develop, despite the fact that the leader-on’s continue partaking in activities that encourages the relationship to evolve. This is wrong.
We all see this executed to perfection on a daily basis unfortunately. You’ll see a guy casually dating one young lady who is head-over-heels in like/love with him. While he told her from day one his intentions were NOT anything serious, they have developed a regular dating and/or visiting schedule and while he may keep his distance, he still makes himself available to her. She now has created this great relationship in her head while he knows very well that this relationship will be going nowhere no time soon, if ever, because he’s just not that into her.
This man will hold on to the fact that one time in the very beginning he said he wasn’t interested and use that as his pass to avoid anything serious. Who is he kidding? He was wrong to continue dating this young woman once it became obvious to him that she had caught serious feelings. Once he continues to enjoy her company knowing he will not meet her halfway he has commenced to leading her on. When she gets upset later and blames him for breaking her heart, she will not be the one tripping. He’s the one that led her on. Period.
On the other hand, ladies are notorious for getting together with their girls and clowning that amazing, random guy. He’s the one that is moving rivers and mountains trying to win the affection of the apple of his eye, while she mocks his efforts and gives him just enough attention to keep him gunning for more. He will call her to see how she’s doing, send thoughtful reminders to her throughout the day of how special she is, and is always thinking of great date ideas and activities the two can enjoy together. She’ll avoid his subtle references to establishing a relationship and when finally accosted, admit that she’s not ready for a relationship now.
It never fails that this woman probably has her sights set on someone else (who is probably leading her on, how ironic) and is dating this second man as well. Unfortunately when the first man finds out about the second one, gets his feelings hurt and confronts the woman, she’ll try to pull the “we’re not exclusive” excuse or reference the fact that he’s not her boyfriend. After running back to her girls and making fun of him she’ll vehemently deny leading him on because she’s “single.” Unfortunately she just led him on.
If you are not interested in someone, say so, and then retreat. To continue accepting the other party’s advances could almost be described as inhumane, simply because it has the ability to break someone’s heart-heartbreak is never to be taken lightly. I don’t understand how a man can lead a woman on, watch her fall for him with zero intentions of catching her, then blame her for the entire incident. In the same breath I don’t understand how a woman can watch a man humble himself to give his all knowing she will not meet him halfway, then point and laugh when he lands flat on his face. These things can get ugly; most of us have seen Thin Line Between Love and Hate. Ultimately, I just implore those who may partake in leading-people-on-more-than-they-have-been-led-on to think twice about the implications of their actions; honesty, not just truth-telling, holds a lot more merit than we give it.