Last night Shelby and I had one of our phone conversations that was supposed to take a quick 5 minutes but quickly turned into nearly 2 hours (yes, we’re aware that we may have a problem). If you read her blog then you’re aware of the frustration and bewilderment she deals with when contemplating the why’s and how’s of Black men not fully committing (marriage) to women. I’ve never had much patience for it because I view it much more simplistically (and ignorantly). I have had the attitude, “I personally don’t have any issues pulling men so those women are on their own.” Something happened yesterday however that has forced me to turn a more critical eye on the issue and dare I say I’m beginning to side with Shelby’s extremely opinionated view?
Yesterday was Sunday and if you’re addicted to reality television like I am you already know Sunday evenings are a BIG ticket night! You’ve got Football Wives, Basketball Wives and Real Housewives of Atlanta all airing back-to-back-to-back. Juicy! I will often log into my Twitter account and read all of the commentary my followers are saying about the shows, have a few good laughs and walk away relieved I don’t have to deal with half the stuff those ladies are dealing with.
When Basketball Wives was airing however, it was a general consensus that NO ONE is a fan of the show’s title. Tweets were being published that exchanged the title of “wives” with “girlfriends,” “ex-wives” and “baby mama’s.” Ouch! People were saying that the show is a fraud because only one woman is an actual wife and her marriage leaves MUCH to be desired hence it’s not taken seriously. Next up was the Real Housewives of Atlanta and it was the same thing. People were harping on the fact that none of the women are married, except for one, and the one that is married discusses her impending, unavoidable divorce that she is steadily progressing towards.
After thinking about all of this it hit me-Black women are the main ones going through this! When you watch other reality shows based off of the title of “wives” they feature nearly all-White cast members who are all married. When you come across the occasional exception who isn’t married, she is a divorcee who enjoyed many years of marriage before calling it quits and has no issues finding a new guy to settle down with when she’s ready to jump back into the dating pool. Real Housewives of New York/New Jersey/Orange County/Beverly Hills/DC all exemplify this.
This realization has been so majorly eye-opening to me. Shelby has really been right/had a valid point all along. Black women are having a VERY hard time finding someone to settle down with. In all of the shows that I’ve ever seen, the only (seemingly) solid marriage I’ve seen is Stacy’s from the Real Housewives of DC cast. No one from that show denies the strength of that relationship and at some points it almost seems as though it’s envied. When watching the dating trials and tribulations the Basketball Wives and Real Housewives of Atlanta cast members are experiencing, the men always seem like they’re half-arsing, scheming and overall not taking the women/a relationship seriously. You not only see a lack of marriage, but you also see a lack of a genuine relationship dynamic.
This all makes me sad. Really sad. I guess this is how Shelby feels/gets smh lol. Shelby gets really emotional on the subject (even though she’s already found herself a good man who has put a ring on it) so I’ve never understood her passion for the subject. Now I get it though. She has family members (me), close friends (I won’t put you out T! 😉 oops lol!) and other women she knows who are dealing with these obstacles every day. What is the issue Black men? Why is it no problem for you to pursue a woman, wine/dine her, live with her, perhaps begin a family and maybe even call her your girlfriend, then stop short of the ultimate commitment-marriage? And women why do you think men aren’t pulling their share of the weight? What do you think is holding them back? Everyone, do you think there’s any validity in any of this? Or do you think it’s all bull crap? Thoughts? Share please!