People Are STILL Asking Me, “Are You Bisexual?”

I'm Toni, V's Joan and Ash is Lynn lol

I was recently told by a male associate of mine that if he didn’t know me, he’d assume I’m bisexual.  When I asked why, he remarked that it’s because of the way I talk about my female friends on this blog-the one that had most recently grabbed his attention was Ashley, my girl that’s living in NYC.

I had to laugh to myself when he said this.  I laughed because this is not the first time I’ve been hit with, “Are you gay/bisexual?”  In undergraduate several people on Facebook sent me messages asking about my sexual orientation because of the close relationship I share with my best friend Veronika.

When I take a step back and think about it even more, I realize that all of the women I’ve shared a close friendship with, people have always asked/assumed the relationship has closer ties then it actually does.  Regarding my older cousin Shelby, people find it so hard to believe that she is simply my cousin.  Are you sure you two aren’t sisters?  More specifically twins?  This past weekend when I had a fun night out on the town, there was one guy in particular who called out to me, “Shelby, right?”  Lol.

The truth of the matter folks is that I am not gay.  I am not bisexual.  I am completely heterosexual and the thought of being intimately involved with a woman is not enticing to me.  I understand how my relationships can appear to be lesbian-like in nature.  I use the pet names “boo” and “honey” quite often when dealing with the ladies I love the most, will think nothing of linking arms when walking down a sidewalk, holding hands in a crowded club, and will unabashedly talk about them/their accomplishments/special moments we’ve shared as it pertains to whatever conversations I may be having with others.  I liken it to an “Oprah and Gale” dynamic-there is such an intense, deep-rooted and passionate love that exists and people don’t know how to identify that as simply friendship.

I discussed this topic with Shelby.  She is extremely insightful and almost always finds a perspective that I was ignorant of.  This time was no different.  “You love hard Ashley.  But people have to work to get there with you.  There’s a certain level that people have to get to with you-once you decide that a person has reached that level you love them hard.  I think that’s one of the best characteristics you possess.  Not everyone’s like that.”

Hmm…I love hard?  I thought about it and realized she’s right.  She went on to elaborate on my relationships with men.  “Most you don’t fall for.  But the few that you do, it’s like they passed all the steps you had set up and reached that certain level.  I don’t know what those requirements are-to be honest I don’t even think you know, but they’re there.”  Next she spoke on my friendships.  “You have a way of blocking people from getting only so close to you.  Some people you will only allow to be close associates.  It’s like you spot them early on and make the decision of what space they’ll occupy in your life.“  Wow.  The more Shelby talked, the more I reflected.  Was her assessment NOT right on?!

So, moral of the story folks?  Please don’t confuse my character trait of loving VERY hard as an admission of lesbianism.   I’m romantically interested in men only.  And as you’re already aware from reading this blog, I love my team more than some of yall love your blood relatives lol.  Do any of you have your sexual orientation questioned solely because of the close relationships you share with your friends?  Do you get offended?  And random, have you ever questioned my sexuality?


2 thoughts on “People Are STILL Asking Me, “Are You Bisexual?”

  1. This conversation is very interesting among women, because many studies and such talk about close female to female relationship as a form of lesbianism. Many people who argue this always bring up Toni Morrisons character Sula and her best friend in the story ‘Sula’. I personally believe that women have an emotionally element that is involved when making a step toward friendship with another person, that males do not possess and it seems strange.

  2. hey my love! I didn’t know you stopped by here 🙂 yay! Welcome, welcome lol.

    and about that “Sula” comparison, hmm…do you have the links to anymore info on this topic? i wanna know/read more!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s