Your Past Will ALWAYS Haunt You…Or Will It?

            Last night Shelby and I had one of our oh-my-gosh-have-we-really-been-talking-for-1+hrs-when-it-was-supposed-to-be-a-5min-phonecall conversations and the Ron/Sammie (Jersey Shore) debacle came up followed closely by the RHOA Reunion.  We began questioning people’s backgrounds which led us to questioning people we both know in reality.  Is the dysfunction we witness inherent?  Does it fluctuate depending on who one is dealing with?  The question that really stuck with me though was, “What about those people who have crazy pasts but lead seemingly perfect lives today?”  According to Shelby, there’s no way one doesn’t have demons-even the one who seem to have overcome their past will still harbor those issues in their futures.  This got me to wondering…

Are we unable to ever truly make peace with our pasts?  Will they ALWAYS haunt us, no matter what? 

(random, yall peep how I’m getting my little “Carrie, SATC” narration on?  Haha)

Despite it's past, this flower still managed to grow and ultimately, bloom

            The topic of my mother came up…I’m not going to get into it here, but just know that it’s definitely worthy of a full-fledged novel or a movie biopic (the history of our relationship something I’d never wish on my WORST enemy; on the bright side it has taught me to NEVER take her for granted.  Every day that I am now able to hear her voice, get a hug from her, or enjoy her conversation is nothing SHORT of a blessing.).  While I have completed the journey of forgiveness, I have not forgotten the past.  Occasionally this is reflected in my actions, but I keep it in check. 

            On the other hand I have a close friend who’s early childhood was marked with a troubled past with his own mother.  When looking at the two of them today, one would have NO idea that this was the case.  They are extremely close, very supportive and overall, insanely loving towards each other.  It’s beautiful.  I’ve never heard him utter one damaging remark against her and it’s led me to believe that he’s completely over anything that may have hurt him in the past and has made the necessary adjustments to get over it and move on to lead a productive life.

“No way,” says Shelby.  “There’s no way that someone could have those sort of issues and have it NOT affect them later in life.  Every single person on Earth has their own individual, deep-rooted issues that they deal with.  No one is clear from this.”

“But couso, couldn’t they have truly forgiven someone and be okay now?  Does it really have to stick with you like that?”

“I’m just saying Ashley, there’s no way.”

            Shelby’s outlook made me feel bad.  I wanted to prove her wrong so badly but then I realized deep down she has a valid point.  Everyone has issues.  Everyone.  As much as I’ve forgiven my mother, there’s no denying that I don’t celebrate Mother’s Day nearly as hard as I do her birthday or Christmas.  Regarding Shelby, she has her own internal demons from childhood which rear their heads in the form of her “rebel without a cause” attitude.  Her line name from pledging in undergrad with Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. isn’t Saph“fire” for nothing! 

What about you all; what do you think?  Will we always be held hostage by our pasts, in some way shape or form?  Can therapy fix this?  Or does therapy just appease the situation, make it easier to deal with?

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5 thoughts on “Your Past Will ALWAYS Haunt You…Or Will It?

  1. While I agree with Shelby that there’s no way something of great magnitude could have happened to you early in your life and NOT affect you in the future… I want to add that this may be in a negative OR positive light. The fact that its going to affect you is true, but it doesn’t have to affect you negatively.

    There are plenty of stories of ppl becoming STRONGER because of what they went through.. BETTER because of what they’ve learned. They don’t have hurt, or aggression towards that past event because either they grew from it, because stronger or just simply came OUT of it and the relationship in question is a polar opposite now.. Looking back — they’re amazed or shocked at how successful things became in spite of what happened.

    🙂 Don’t lose Faith in what’s good Ash!

  2. I completely agree, Chenoa. Well written, Ashley. I truly believe that the Lord uses our past experiences – good and bad – to HELP create who we are! I stand by the fact that we all have bumps and I believe we can overcome them – but we also “learn” from them – in some “learning” from our mistakes/past issues means using them as a testimony, some people use them as ways of appreciating what they have, and other’s of us put of blocks/walls/etc. Sometimes these blocks are for the best and sometimes these blocks harm us and limit our growth in certain areas (i.e. love).

    I would like to clarify that by no means did I make a point that negative problems = a person with more or less problems. My point is that negative problems = someone being affected (this can be in a positive, a negative, or a semi-level)

  3. I ALSO would like to put the conversation in some kind of perspective – the friend that we are talking about DOES show signs of MAJOR emotional blocks. Our conversation was around where these blocks come from and the childhood drama/trama points to the “root” of the issue DESPITE the friend’s relationship with his/her family.

    Just think it’s important to give context – I, by no means, want to limit a person to their past. I have had too many students, friends, loved ones that have OVERCOME major and traumatic situations to become great AND to be one’s that took that traumatic situation and turn it into a positive.

  4. Ahhh I agree that things do mold and make who you are but at the same time some choices CAN haunt you? The reason we have choice is to dictate our life accordingly. You can always bounce back from certain choices but at the same time I don’t want to put myself behind the 8 ball because my choices either

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