Last night Shelby and I had one of our oh-my-gosh-have-we-really-been-talking-for-1+hrs-when-it-was-supposed-to-be-a-5min-phonecall conversations and the Ron/Sammie (Jersey Shore) debacle came up followed closely by the RHOA Reunion. We began questioning people’s backgrounds which led us to questioning people we both know in reality. Is the dysfunction we witness inherent? Does it fluctuate depending on who one is dealing with? The question that really stuck with me though was, “What about those people who have crazy pasts but lead seemingly perfect lives today?” According to Shelby, there’s no way one doesn’t have demons-even the one who seem to have overcome their past will still harbor those issues in their futures. This got me to wondering…
Are we unable to ever truly make peace with our pasts? Will they ALWAYS haunt us, no matter what?
(random, yall peep how I’m getting my little “Carrie, SATC” narration on? Haha)
The topic of my mother came up…I’m not going to get into it here, but just know that it’s definitely worthy of a full-fledged novel or a movie biopic (the history of our relationship something I’d never wish on my WORST enemy; on the bright side it has taught me to NEVER take her for granted. Every day that I am now able to hear her voice, get a hug from her, or enjoy her conversation is nothing SHORT of a blessing.). While I have completed the journey of forgiveness, I have not forgotten the past. Occasionally this is reflected in my actions, but I keep it in check.
On the other hand I have a close friend who’s early childhood was marked with a troubled past with his own mother. When looking at the two of them today, one would have NO idea that this was the case. They are extremely close, very supportive and overall, insanely loving towards each other. It’s beautiful. I’ve never heard him utter one damaging remark against her and it’s led me to believe that he’s completely over anything that may have hurt him in the past and has made the necessary adjustments to get over it and move on to lead a productive life.
“No way,” says Shelby. “There’s no way that someone could have those sort of issues and have it NOT affect them later in life. Every single person on Earth has their own individual, deep-rooted issues that they deal with. No one is clear from this.”
“But couso, couldn’t they have truly forgiven someone and be okay now? Does it really have to stick with you like that?”
“I’m just saying Ashley, there’s no way.”
Shelby’s outlook made me feel bad. I wanted to prove her wrong so badly but then I realized deep down she has a valid point. Everyone has issues. Everyone. As much as I’ve forgiven my mother, there’s no denying that I don’t celebrate Mother’s Day nearly as hard as I do her birthday or Christmas. Regarding Shelby, she has her own internal demons from childhood which rear their heads in the form of her “rebel without a cause” attitude. Her line name from pledging in undergrad with Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. isn’t Saph“fire” for nothing!
What about you all; what do you think? Will we always be held hostage by our pasts, in some way shape or form? Can therapy fix this? Or does therapy just appease the situation, make it easier to deal with?