12:30 AM

For the past 3 hours or so I’ve been tuned into SATC (Sex and the City).  Today the complete series arrived and as soon as I got home from work, I popped in Season 1 and tuned in…

As I’ve been watching, as usual I identify which “character” I am…

Samantha is an open sex-freak down for whatever, whenever, however…nope.

Miranda is boyish, not feminine enough and kind of lame…next.

Carrie is cool but she seems too confused, too all over the place and I can’t STAND her relationship with Big.  I’ve begun to hate him…so while she and I share the passion for writing thing, it’s simply not enough…pass.

Charlotte!  Yes, I’m Charlotte.  Charlotte is neat, organized, has everything planned, is prim and proper and overall seems to have a great idea of what she wants.  This is me.  This is me.

But then reality hit me.  Why am I the only one that says I am Charlotte?  EVERYONE who watches this show says that I’m Carrie.  Of course I’m always flabbergasted and encourage them to “see past the shared passion for writing.”  Those who watch the show tell me that they do and still see it…apparently I don’t have it as together as I’d hoped…and I don’t have it all figured out…and dare I be the one to say it…

Have I been stuck with my own form of a Mr. Big?

That’s the real reason why I despise the comparison to Carrie so much.  She doesn’t seem so bad until we come across Mr. Big, easily her biggest weakness.  She is always so strong, persevering and unwavering in her ideals until….[insert any effort/action by Big] and then she’s like putty in his hands.  And the regular people who know Carrie in her daily life aren’t aware that she’s got such a major liability on her hands (besides her girls of course).

We watch how in the beginning it was so easy for her to pass on him-she saw that he was a big deal, but she wasn’t going to sweat him either…but somehow he got in there, and now she’s hooked…she’s fallen…and eventually she’s in love?  Let’s be honest, the only way a woman can stick around like that is after she’s fallen in love.  And where is he?  Playing.  Pursuing his own life.  Allowing Carrie to get in when he feels like it.  And this ridiculous charade continues for years until finally he realizes she’s the one and after standing her up at the alter and crushing her spirit (because he had already broken her heart a couple of times) he decides to wed her in front of a Justice of the Peace.  And we the viewer are supposed to celebrate this?!

Of course common sense says after the first shady move, “Run Carrie, Run!”  But common sense is not so common…and then there’s the quote, “When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on so long in the first place.”  And we can’t ignore the fact that Carrie eventually did get a ring.  But was it worth it?

I want to be Charlotte.  Charlotte represents how I chose to see myself, through rose-tinted shades that speak to the romantic that lives inside many of us.  I want to be perfectly coiffed, prim, proper and dainty, with a fabulous plan that I adhere too.

Smh.  And I guess in an effort to be as objective as possible, no one really knows about my own “Mr. Big.”  In recent months, it’s a subject I’ve refused to discuss with even those closest to me.  The comparisons friends have made regarding myself and Carrie are all centered around Carrie’s knack for focusing on unique perspectives of common societal ills, norms and vaules.  In addition, I’ve also been told I have the ability to get people laughing, conversations flowing and different groups of people to interact that possibly normally wouldn’t.  In that regard, it’s a lovely compliment, but I focused on the negative-how unorganized Carrie can seem, how she doesn’t really operate her life with a planner (I prefer specific dates/times, not just “showing up whenever” kind-of-planner) and of course, that dreaded Mr. Big character that I love to hate. 

It’s been at 12:30 tonight that I finally see what others have seen for months.  Figures.

Next time I watch this show, I’m going to focus on the positive things that Carrie brings to the table that reminds others of me instead of the glaringly negative thing that worries me about what my possible future could look like in the worst-case scenario.

That is all folks.  Goodnight.


4 thoughts on “12:30 AM

  1. You’re definitely Carrie. From your thoughts (because I know you well), your writing, and especially the way you view men. Fin.

  2. From the few episodes I’ve seen, I identify most with Miranda. Kinda quirky. Kinda looking for love and looking for just some fun. Wardrobe finally catching up with my spirit. Witty. And that’s all I got..

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