It’s Almost the End…Time to Check Out of Rehab

Easter is coming and while in the past it has always meant a decent church service, great food and phenomenal memories being created with my family, this year it also brings the return of social networking to my life.  I gave it up for Lent as a means of integrous sacrifice.  I was serious about drawing closer to God and going to a higher level in my relationship with Him.  While I haven’t gotten as close as I intended, there’s no denying my quality of life hasn’t drastically improved.  By logging out of the matrix I’ve noticed two significant changes…

  1. I’m more present in my life than I have been in a long time.
  2. Majority of my depressing thoughts have been at bay.

I used to be the girl who would pick up her phone in the middle of  a face-t0-face conversation, zone out and begin mindlessly tweeting about some arbitrary, insignificant occurrence.  I would then momentarily make eye contact while offering a weak “oh, ok,” or “mmhmm.”  I would walk down the street and post pictures of randomness that I snapped on my camera, or write posts to describe the type of hair day I’d had.

While I was doing all of that posting in the matrix, what was I taking from it?  My mind was consumed with insecurities of feelings of inferiority.  Constantly, I felt like I was being bombarded with subtle messages that I simply was not good enough.  I would read others’ posts and translate them as saying my bank account didn’t tout a large enough balance, my passport didn’t have enough stamps and my closet wasn’t filled with new clothes and shoes from recent shopping trip(s).  People seemed to have all sorts of fun events going on in their lives that I had no access to (I’d disregard the fact that the event wasn’t THAT much fun if they were posting during said event).

From here, I felt compelled to compete…but I usually lacked the resources too do so.  I began to feel as though my life was in complete and utter chaos-you couldn’t tell me it wasn’t in shambles.  Quite the contrary, my life wasn’t as bad as it seemed but my vision was clouded from the haze.  Pathetically, majority of those feelings where sparked because I was spending too much time logged in, absorbing random bullcrap.

As a result of my semi-forced hiatus, I have begun reclaiming my life back.  I have now evolved into the woman who gives you her undivided attention, who is soaking up everything she encounters and taking her time to process the world around her.  Life has taken on brighter, richer and more intense colors, sounds and experiences.  I’m not out here thinking about others’ agenda’s and gameplans simply because I have my own to worry about.  If something isn’t pleasing to my spirit and my objectives, I easily turn my back to it.  I’m good.

So with all that being said, the question begs to be asked, “Why even log back on?”  Easy.  Because it’s addictive.

As an (social networking) addict, I’m not going to “psych” myself out by feeding my brain affirmative bullcrap about how I’m never logging on again.  I think it’s more practical to approach it as I would my man or children.  I’ll establish clearly-defined boundaries that I will hold myself accountable too, as a means of preventing myself from getting sucked back in and losing sight of the objective-my overall happiness and well-being. I’ve yet to define the new boundaries, as I still have some time to do that, but I believe my days of “needing” social networking have come to an end.

I’m claiming it.

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