A friend of mine sent a text message recently that read, “YouTube. Big krit-red eye.” I was so confused. “What’s that?” He aptly responded, “It’s a song fool.” Point taken. I headed to YouTube and hit play.
“…I understand that you’re busy, you’re on the road, you have to do what you have to do for your career but I feel like if you really want this relationship you’ll do what you have to do for us also. Like, I’m always, ALWAYS, the one doing EVERYTHING and I’m just tired.”
She sounded exactly like me. Dare I say verbatim?
As I listened to someone else’s voicemail, flashbacks of my own life came rushing to the forefront. Not long ago, I was that woman on the phone, imploring her man to make her a priority…to please be present today because she can’t promise she’s going to see tomorrow through.
I continued with my frenzied trek down memory lane…
“…I’m doing the norm and not what it takes, I’ll keep folding my cards and you’ll keep raising the stakes, ‘Til we forget about us and what we have is too late…”
Because he wasn’t doing enough, the norm and not what it took, I checked out of the relationship. My hurt evolved to anger which ultimately rested on hatred. While yes, his intentions were never ill, they had never yielded the fulfilling, secure relationship I was expecting and deserved. I hated the man for not fulfilling everything he had promised to me. I. Hated. Him.
Time and more of life’s experiences eventually erroded my hatred and weakened his pride.
“But if you willing to try then I’m willing to leap, Out of the window of pain and fall in love at your feet; I ain’t the man you want me to be, I guess that’s what’s been bothering me.”
And there it was…some semblance of closure I guess.
All of this to say, those flashbacks have me over here SO appreciative of the fact that I have upgraded to a more fulfilling relationship. It’s got me thanking God that I am no longer held hostage by those intense emotions, experiences and heartaches of yesterday.