Stop Telling Women To Smile

“Now you know you are too pretty to not be smiling gorgeous!”

Walking quickly down the street, my thoughts interrupted, I glance towards the male voice.  I see a middle-aged man staring hard, smiling brightly, pleased that I acknowledged him.  I shoot him a terse smile as I continue walking past.

I find myself absorbed in my thoughts again.  “I’ve gotta hurry and make this train.  It’s running once every 10 minutes and I can’t afford to be late because…”

“What’s wrong Honey? Why aren’t you smiling?”

Approaching the crosswalk, I see an older gentleman peering out of his driver’s side window.  He’s probably been watching me for a few moments now, waiting to say something witty.  I resist rolling my eyes and instead opt for a smirk accompanied by a slight hand wave.

Approaching the crosswalk I spot the train station a few paces ahead.  My brow furrows as I listen intently-is that the sound of an approaching train?  Am I going to make it?  “Oh God, please let this train be held up because right now…”

“Hey ma!  Smile for me!  Your life can’t be THAT bad that you can’t smile.”

Rolling my eyes, I wonder, “Why won’t they leave me alone?”  This time I don’t bother turning around.  Instead I run across the street, down the stairs, swipe my metro card and just barely make my train.

Too many women experience this street harassment every single day.  While yes, a sincere compliment can brighten someone’s day, too many men take advantage of the opportunity and take things too far.  They completely turn her off.  It’s gender-based, demeaning and frustrating.

Fortunately, Tatyana Fazlalizadeh feels similarly.   This Brooklyn-based artist has created “Stop Telling Women To Smile,” a project where she creates oil paintings of women, posts them in public spaces, and encourages them to fight back.

While the paintings are currently displayed in Philadelphia and Brooklyn, she has created a Kickstarter campaign to bring her project to other cities including (but not limited to) Atlanta, Kansas City, San Francisco and Baltimore.

I think this is AMAZING!  I believe more men should be held accountable for being obnoxious.  One way to do that is through awareness, which is exactly what Fazlalizadeh’s campaign is doing.  What do you think?  Ladies, are men’s “polite” cat calls getting out of hand? Men, do you think women are taking it too seriously?  Share your thoughts!

Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That!

This morning I woke up and it was just one of those days.  My hair had a large part to do with that.  The longer it’s gotten, the more difficult it’s become for me to deal with.  It no longer stays detangled, hydrated or defined for days on end.  It loses it’s shape within hours, the moisture I spend so much time sealing in is depleted after one night’s sleep (and yes, I exclusively sleep on satin).  Don’t get me started on the frizz and shrinkage with zero definition that occurs after Day 1…I. Can’t. Deal.

Today was day 3 hair and with one look in the mirror, I immediately became discouraged.

 

Suddenly, a pair of scissors and a relaxer look like the answer to all my problems.

 

The tumbleweed that was looking back at me didn’t care.  It stood up defiantly, determined to have it’s way with me.

After a hot shower’s mist took affect, with some added Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie, my hair has lived to see another day.

While I claim victory in this battle, I must remember the war is not yet won.

September!

Can you believe it’s September already?  It’s so cliché to remark on how quickly the year seems to be passing but seriously, is 2013 not flying by?  When I think of other years, such as 2012, then 2011…I realize that all of them seemed to pass fast.  It makes me question, did the years pass quickly or is it now that I’m older time overall seems to move faster?   I’m going to go with the latter.

Now that we have a new month upon us, it’s a great time for me to check in with myself.  I evaluate past goals, reassess, then create new ones.  I also make a mental note of things I’m looking forward to within that month.

Goals of mine for the month of September are…

• Land a job I REALLY want-I need to assess what this looks like because I’m not sure that I even know.
• Continue to cut back and spend less-the lone exception is this pair of shoes I’ve been watching on ShoeDazzle.com  I may have to make something shake because I really need them.
• Finish all 30 days of the squat challenge-I generally find myself quitting halfway through because I’m satisfied with the muscle definition I see and I also don’t want my thighs to get too big (I sometimes have trouble fitting them into my bottoms already).
• Read a different business-oriented/self-help book each week-my aunt shared with me that the average business book is written based on 15 years of experience.  If I read four of them, that’s 60 years in a single month.  I’m down for that!

Things that I’m looking forward to are…

• Reuniting with most of my core group of girlfriends from undergrad-We are all getting together in about three weeks and I’m so excited.
• Enjoying the last few memories that Summer 2013 has in store for me.
• Continuing to draw closer to my family-the older I get, the more essential they become.  It’s now a major priority of mine to check in, in some way, with them semi-regularly.
• Playing September by Earth, Wind & Fire on repeat-It’s my favorite song by them, probably because it always reminds me of my younger brother Ty.  His birthday is in September.
• Ty’s 25^th birthday-I have many siblings, but Ty is the one who just “gets” me.  When I was experiencing my quarter-life crisis, he was there along with me (so much so, that he even shared tears with me…and Ty doesn’t cry.  That’s love!).  I am ready to step in and be a support for him for whatever he may be feeling.  I just really want to be there for him as he was there for me.

While the month seems so expansive, it will be gone before I know it!  What about you?  Do you make goals for the month?  Are there things that September will be bringing that you’re anticipating?  Share below!

“Say do you remember, dancing in September?  Never was a cloudy day!” -Earth, Wind & Fire

Labor Day 2013: A Day In the Life of the Unemployed*

I’m here today to talk about my experience thus far as a member of the undercaste of America’s labor force.  This undercaste doesn’t have the liberty to complain about their unpaid, 30-minute lunch break that never seems to be long enough.  They also don’t have the option to attend protests about the country’s minimum-wage laws for America’s fast food workers either.  You want to know why?

I had to pay them a visit last month and we were given the option to watch an unemployment video or read the script. This gentleman who I’d met only moments earlier and was trying to date me (it wasn’t happening) exclaimed, “I aint tryin to read $h!t! Where the video at?!” Fail.

This is because this undercaste is America’s unemployed.

Overall, when I’m honest with myself unemployment actually hasn’t been the worst thing in the world.  A perk of being registered with the unemployment office is that I’m able to collect my weekly unemployment checks.  Now granted, they are a mere fraction of what I was earning before, but something is better than nothing.  My rent’s paid every month!  (There is a yin to this yang however; perhaps I will share that another day.)

Since many know I’m unemployed, I’ve been questioned how I spend my time.  While my days do have their share of job-hunting and eating home-cooked meals, all while chatting with my girlfriends about our upcoming free plans for that week(end), a major part of my unemployment experience has been my rededication to my life’s first love, reading.

I read a lot.  When I was employed, it might have been four hours or so a day.  Now, at the very least it’s double.  With my increased reading, I’ve noticed my vocabulary has shifted a tad…I have more words to choose from, new ways to use old words and I have a bunch of new stuff to talk about.  Below, is an average day in my life as an unemployed reader lol.

1. Wake up/read social networks for news that I missed while I was sleeping.  CNN is especially clutch for this.
2. Shower/dress/breakfast (yes I get dressed even though I probably have nowhere to go except the store).
3. Read social networking for more news I missed, and to get details/full articles I briefly learned of when I first woke up.
4. It’s inevitable that one of the sites leads me to popular culture-now I’m reading celebrity news.
5. I begin to feel guilty so I begin reading health/diet/wellness related news.
6. I then feel guilty I’ve wasted my entire morning reading tons of nonsense so now I head over to Craigslist and start sending out resumes.
7. I then head over to Indeed.com and other more professional sites and apply to jobs.
8. It’s inevitable that I need to research one of the companies I’m about to send a cover letter/resume too, so I begin reading recent news articles about them.
9. I now find myself reading current, updated business stories.
10. It’s now late afternoon/evening and I recognize I’m getting hungry.  I head off for a store run and cook a nice dinner.
11. Now I’ve realized I’ve spent all day bullcrapping and settle down to try to write something of substance for my blog and other sites.  Sometimes I’m successful, many times I’m not.
12. I now am sick and tired of reading AND writing, so I turn on Netflix and watch a few hours of whatever show I’ve recently become obsessed with (Weeds has been my current obsession until Orange is the New Black comes back on).
13. I now need to wind down so I pick up one of the actual books I’m trying to finish reading (right now I’m in the middle of both The New Jim Crow and The Four Agreements).
14. I then hop back on social networking to catch up on any news I’ve missed throughout the day and read until I fall asleep.
15. If I wake up in the middle of the night, *surprise surprise* I hop on social networking and read about some more news.

My life isn’t always the most exciting, but for right now, this chapter of my life, I’m managing to deal with it okay.  Many of my closest friends are in places of transition so we are able to offer each other uplifting words of encouragement, entertainment and good cheer.

So what about you?  What does Labor Day mean to you this year?

*This post was inspired by Shelby Stone-Steel

Apostrophes in First Names?

You know what puzzles me?  I don’t understand why people include apostrophes in the spelling of their children’s names.* This phenomenon crosses socio-economic and racial lines, so I’m really puzzled by it.  Everyone’s doing it.  Why?

Google’s definition of “apostrophe” is:

 a punctuation mark ( ’ ) used to indicate either possession (e.g., Harry’s book ; boys’ coats ) or the omission of letters or numbers (e.g., can’t ; he’s ; class of ’99 ).

The apostrophe is most commonly used to indicate possession.  We know it’s not being used for that when it comes to these names.  On the flipside, the chances of it’s secondary purpose, replacing letters in a word, occurs sometimes but why not just spell the name out?  So then is it fair to assume the apostrophe is there for mere decoration?  Is this form of ornamental emphasis what is being used to justify the gross abuse of English punctuation that’s been taking place?

Darcy=D’Arcy     Nadine= N’Dean     Delilah=D’Lilah     Shatoya= Sha’Toya     Dewayne=De’Wayne     Latoya =La’Toya

It needs to stop.  It doesn’t make sense-actually, it’s kind of confusing.  It’s not practical.  What happens when it’s time to fill out official forms with those boxes for each letter of your name?  Are you using a single box to place a lone apostrophe in it?

Might I suggest parents pick different names?  Or better yet, keep the name that’s been picked, just omit the apostrophe?  Ideally, the goal would be having a name that doesn’t rely on arbitrary punctuation.  If you absolutely must include an apostrophe, would you consider making it the middle name, not the first?  Because I mean really, what explanations are you giving your children when they ask you why there are random apostrophes in their names?

*Disclaimer: I understand some apostrophe-having names are non-English (such as traditional Hebrew names).  I am not talking about those names here.

US Open!

Chillin while I’m sippin 🙂

Earlier this week I had the pleasure of attending the US Open.  An old friend was in town and asked me to tag along.  How could I say no?  Because I have no experience playing tennis unless we’re counting the lessons I took in high school gym class it was awesome that they are not only a tennis fan, but an avid player themselves.  Any questions I had were answered clearly and concisely, so I was able to not only understand, but enjoy, what I was watching.

Roger Federer is the little figure on the left in the blue lol

I was rooting for Heather Watson, the underdog in the blue dress. She lost. 😦

Speaking of watching, I witnessed the first major upset of the tournament when 17-year old American, Victoria Duval, beat a former champion, 29-year old Australian Samantha Stosur.

Her dress is from Venus Williams’ EleVen line 🙂

Duval is Haitian-American, dominating in an area that has so little Black representation.  She had a team of her family and friends in the corner of the court going wild.  Seeing that open display of celebration was awesome.  It reminded me of the Gabby Douglass Olympic victory just last year and of Venus and Serena Williams’ tennis domination that is continuing, albeit slowing down.  I can see Duval being the next rising star in this game, walking down the path that Althea Gibson, the Williams sisters, and others have trailblazed for her.  It’s inspiring.

The Oil Pulling Bandwagon

If someone told you that swishing a tablespoon of unrefined, coconut oil around in your mouth for 5-20 minutes daily could detox your body, clear sinus congestion and drastically improve your dental hygiene would you believe them?

After trying oil pulling for the first time this morning, I do!

I first came across an article touting the health benefits of oil pulling on a healthy living instagram page.  The article went into detail about many of the health benefits that can be achieved from swishing and pulling unrefined, high quality vegetable oils around your teeth for several minutes a day.  Among the benefits that stood out to me are as follows:

• Whitens teeth
• Clears up acne, psoriasis, eczema and other skin issues
• Heals cavities, gum issues
• Limits migraines and other aches and pains throughout the body

Initially oil-pulling was a bit uncomfortable as I waited for the gobs of solidified coconut oil to liquefy in my mouth.  After a minute or so, swishing became effortless; the oil reached every crevice so I felt like it was ridding my mouth of all toxins and bacteria.  After rinsing, my teeth felt incredibly clean-so much so that a post-pull flossing session yielded zero plaque-the flossing proved to be useless and unnecessary.  While I pulled for a mere six minutes this morning, I immediately noticed congestion had cleared and a sensitive molar that had been irritating me a bit had stopped bothering me.

I am excited to see what other changes I notice throughout my body in the coming weeks.  I’ve shared this information with my health-conscious cousins, Shelby and Mia, as neither of them had ever heard of it before.  They now are on board and will be testing these results along with me.  Will my seasonal eczema clear up?  Will acne no longer be a nuisance in my morning make-up routine?  Will flossing sessions continue to be in vain?  I can only hope so!

Can I Be Honest About Something?

 

As everyone knows, I’m obsessed with reading.  Nothing excites me more than hearing about a heavily hyped book, finally getting my hands on it and diving in.   Turning the pages I oftentimes find myself falling into the world the author has created for me; I freely surrender myself to whatever I may find within those pages.  It is such a joyful, freeing thing for me.

So you can imagine my dismay and slight disappointment that I’ve been unable to experience any of those feelings when it comes to The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander.  It is academic in presentation and tone, making me pause every few sentences (paragraphs if I’m lucky) to fully digest everything she’s saying.  I’ve found myself consulting my phone’s dictionary app more times than I’m comfortable acknowledging.  These are the challenges I’m dealing with before even addressing the book’s subject matter, painful realities of America’s race relations and prison atrocities.

We are being confronted with some conflicting truths of where America really stands in this “Age of Obama.”  For this reason, I so badly wish to have finished this book within days of receiving it, feel empowered when engaging in intelligent and deliberate debate with others about being Black in America, and overall just having a better understanding of my place in this space of time.

Why is becoming more conscious so painful?  Yes, I understand I’m being a bit dramatic.  But seriously, this book has gotten such rave reviews, such glowing testimonies, and I’m over here creeping along at a snail’s pace in disbelief that I’m having such a hard time with it.  I’ve spoken to a few other friends about this-everyone agrees it’s quite intense.  Have we been reading it wrong?

This is not to discredit the immense value Alexander’s book gives.  Already in just her Introduction and Chapter 1 she has provided me with a wealth of resources, facts and historical context about the subject matter.  It is a read, albeit an intense one, that I do encourage others to explore and add to their personal libraries.  Our education is our individual and unique responsibility and sometimes, like this time, I just wish it were a bit less challenging.

But then again, things worth having rarely are easy.

Raz B…

This morning I woke up to the news that Raz B is in the hospital in a coma.  After suffering a head injury from assisting with breaking up a club fight in China, complications arose.

My heart dropped.

As many are aware, I was a die-hard fan of B2K back in the early 2000’s.  As a member of the group, Raz B held much of my attention and garnered my support.  The group’s very public dispute with their management and Omarion, and the subsequent breakup that followed broke my heart.  I’ll never forget that cold December afternoon in 2003, tuning in to BET’s 106&Park and watching as the three remaining members sat defeated on Free and AJ’s couches.  They were failing to hold back tears of pain, disappointment and helplessness as they tried to explain what had led to the group’s rapid downfall.  As for myself, I was devastated.

Many of those same feelings that I had back in 2003 resurfaced this morning.  That teenage girl who still occupies a part of my being is heartbroken.  Raz B can’t be saying goodbye so soon.  He still has so much talent to share, music to give and fans’ support to witness.  Please keep him in your prayers within these next few days.  Pray that he regains consciousness, that he makes a speedy recovery and that he is able to return to his passion, creating and performing music.

Happy

I woke up today fighting for my happiness.  The realization that I’m starting off at ground zero…again, and everything from here will be a climb, a hike, a…struggle… Those thoughts attack the happiness that I work so hard to protect and preserve.  And then I feel ungrateful because I’m surrounded by my blessings yet and still, I’m focusing on the downside of things.

Why is my happy so elusive?

Anyone who has talked to me within the past few months knows how happy I’ve been.  I’ve made a conscious effort to claim it for myself; after all I deserve it right?  Don’t we all deserve to find some piece of it for ourselves and own that?   As a part of the human experience, of the understanding that we are here because God ordained it to be, shouldn’t we be grateful, humbled, and happy that in fact, we exist?  (Really think about it…out of the millions of sperm expelled, and the occasional egg that drops from an ovary, our creation has been nothing short of miraculous in itself and that is all the reason we need?)

So again, why is being “happy” so elusive?

I’ve come to the recent realization that I probably enjoy the challenge of “happy.”  After this past weekend when I found myself sitting across from a life/happiness coach, never before has it become more evident to me than when I reflect on the past few years and choices I’ve made.

While I say I don’t like change and it frustrates me, deep down it gives me a thrill.  When things have been consistent for a while, when I become complacent and get too comfortable, I find myself incredibly bored.  It is in these moments that I make impulsive, ridiculous decisions that usually have dramatic and exciting results and I live on that high until the boredom sets in again.   The excitement of hopping on life’s rollercoaster, venturing into the unknown, and “winging it,” actually is what makes me happy.

I appreciate this about myself, my ability to color outside of the lines thereby creating my own unique metaphorical pictures.  Hanging these pictures, gazing at them as I reflect on the experiences I’ve had, is what my happiness is all about.  My happiness is about the journey, never the destination.

I can live with that.